You Know You're In California if...
You were born somewhere else.
You know how to eat artichokes & avocados.
The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic.
Your car has bulletproof windows.
You make over $250,000 a year and still can't afford a house.
Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.
Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
You can't find your other earring because your son is wearing it.
You drive to your neighborhood block party.
Even if the store is across the street, you drive there.
Your family tree contains "significant others".
Your cat has it's own psychiatrist.
You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them.
You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.
More than clothes come out of the closets.
You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.
Your blind date turns out to be your ex-spouse.
More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.
When you can't schedule a meeting because you must "do lunch".
Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks.
Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news.
It's sprinkling out, and there's a report on every news channel about "THE STORM!"
Everyone who lives here knows that hurricanes, tornadoes, floods and snowstorms are way worse than earthquakes, which are, after all, over almost as soon as you realize what's happening.
You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hottub repairman.
You consult your horoscope before planning your day.
The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
Your child's third grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze.
You've been to a baby shower for an infant who has two mothers and a sperm donor.
You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
You know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula.
A really great parking space can move you to tears.
The guy in line at Starbucks, wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney, IS George Clooney.
You live an hour away from Mountains but can't see them because of the smog.
Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.
Over 85% of the cities, towns, and streets start with San, Los, El, La, Santa, De La, or De Los.
A family of four owns six vehicles.